When a child leaves school to learn at home, many parents feel an urgent pull to start “proper” lessons straight away. A new timetable, a stack of workbooks, a desk in the corner. I understand that feeling completely. But in my experience, the families who rush that first step often find themselves rebuilding school at the kitchen table, with all the same stress, and wondering why homeschooling isn’t working.
That’s where deschooling comes in. It’s a period of rest, readjustment and rediscovery that many homeschooling families, including mine, have found invaluable. In this post I’ll explain what deschooling is, how long it might take, what it looks like day to day, and why parents need to deschool too.
It’s part of my wider guide to gentle, child-centred homeschooling in Hong Kong.
What is deschooling?
Deschooling is the transition period between leaving school and settling into learning at home. During this time, children (and adults) gradually let go of school habits and expectations, such as bells, grades, sitting still on command and learning only what’s assigned, and rediscover how they naturally like to learn.
It isn’t the same as unschooling. Unschooling is a long-term, child-led approach to education. Deschooling is a temporary stage that can lead into any homeschooling style, whether that’s structured, Montessori-inspired, project-based or something in between.
Why deschooling matters
- Rest and recovery. Many children leave school tired, stressed or anxious. They need time to recover before they can learn well.
- Rebuilding curiosity. Children who’ve learned to associate learning with pressure often need space before curiosity returns.
- Getting to know your learner. Deschooling gives you time to observe what interests your child, how they focus and when they learn best.
- Reconnecting as a family. Slower days together can rebuild trust and closeness that busy school routines may have squeezed.
For our family, this mattered enormously. My eldest son came home struggling with anxiety, and what he needed first wasn’t more work. It was to feel safe again. I write more about that journey in homeschooling an anxious child.
How long does deschooling take?
There’s no fixed answer. A rule of thumb often shared in homeschooling communities is roughly one month for every year a child spent in school. It isn’t based on research, and every child is different, but it’s a helpful reminder that this process takes time.
Deschooling may take longer if your child:
- had a difficult or distressing experience at school
- spent many years in a high-pressure academic environment
- is feeling anxious, burnt out or very resistant to anything that looks like “school”
It may be shorter for younger children, or for those who left school on positive terms.
What deschooling looks like day to day
Deschooling doesn’t mean doing nothing. Learning keeps happening, just not in the shape of lessons. In our home, those early weeks were full of:
- Reading together: stories, picture books, anything that sparked interest
- Library trips, letting children choose freely
- Time outdoors: walks, beaches, trails and parks. Hong Kong’s country parks are wonderful for this, as I share in nature-based learning in Hong Kong.
- Cooking and baking, with plenty of measuring and tasting
- Play: building, drawing, imaginative games, puzzles
- Documentaries and conversations about whatever came up
- Rest: lie-ins, quiet afternoons and unhurried mornings
Watch, listen and take notes. What does your child return to? What questions do they ask? These observations will shape the learning that comes next.
Parents need to deschool too
This is the part people least expect. Most of us went to school, and we carry deep beliefs about what “real” learning looks like: worksheets, tests, sitting at a desk from nine to three. Those beliefs can make relaxed days feel like failure.
Deschooling yourself means:
- noticing learning in everyday activities, not just lessons
- letting go of comparing your child to school peers or grade levels
- reading about different approaches to education
- talking to experienced homeschooling families
- accepting that a quiet day isn’t a wasted day
Community helps enormously here. Speaking with other parents who’ve been through it is often the most reassuring thing of all.
Signs you might be ready to move on
- Your child seems calmer, more rested and more like themselves
- They’re asking questions and showing curiosity again
- They express interest in learning something specific
- You have a clearer picture of how they like to learn
- You feel less anxious about “falling behind”
Easing into learning
When the time feels right, add structure gradually rather than all at once:
- Introduce one regular activity, such as daily reading or a short maths session.
- Keep sessions short and gentle at first.
- Build a loose daily rhythm rather than a strict timetable.
- Follow interests you noticed during deschooling, perhaps as a first project. My guide to project-based learning at home explains how.
- Keep checking in on how your child is feeling.
A note on Hong Kong families
Deschooling doesn’t mean skipping the practical steps. If you’re withdrawing your child from school in Hong Kong, it’s important to inform the Education Bureau and have a plan for your child’s education. You can describe a gentle transition as part of that plan. I explain the first steps in how to start homeschooling in Hong Kong. As always, I’m a parent, not a lawyer, so please confirm current requirements with the EDB.
Frequently asked questions
What is deschooling?
Deschooling is a transition period after leaving school, when children and parents let go of school habits and expectations, rest, and rediscover how the child naturally learns before starting a homeschooling routine.
How long should deschooling last?
There’s no fixed rule. A common guideline is about one month for each year spent in school, but some children need less time and others, especially after a difficult school experience, need more.
Is deschooling the same as unschooling?
No. Deschooling is a temporary transition stage. Unschooling is a long-term, child-led educational approach. Deschooling can lead into any homeschooling style.
Will my child fall behind during deschooling?
Learning continues through reading, play, conversation, cooking and outdoor time. Many families find children learn more effectively afterwards because they’re rested and curious again.
What should I do during deschooling?
Read together, visit the library, spend time outdoors, cook, play and talk. Observe your child’s interests and learning style, and give everyone time to rest.
Slow down to move forward
Deschooling can feel uncomfortable, especially when you’re eager to get started. But giving your child, and yourself, time to rest and rediscover learning lays the strongest possible foundation for the years ahead. For more on how we built a calm, flexible way of learning at home, read my guide to homeschooling in Hong Kong.